25 Reasons I Owe My Mother For My Education Of Life

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .  "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2.My mother taught me RELIGION.  "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3.My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .  "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4.My mother taught me LOGIC.  " Because I said so, that's why."

5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6.My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7.My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8.My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.  "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9.My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10.My mother taught me about STAMINA.  "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11.My mother taught me about WEATHER.  "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12.My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.  "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13.My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.  "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14.My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.  "Stop acting like your father!"

15.My mother taught me about ENVY.  "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16.My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.  "Just wait until we get home."

17.My mother taught me about RECEIVING .  "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18.My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.  "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19.My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20.My mother taught me HUMOR.  "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21.My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .  "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.  "You're just like your father."

23.My mother taught me about my ROOTS.  "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24.My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.  " One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.

Old Farmer's Advice

*Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
*Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
*A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
*Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
*Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
*Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
*Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
*It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
*You cannot unsay a cruel word.
*Every path has a few puddles.
*When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty..
*The best sermons are lived, not preached.
*Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
*Don 't judge folks by their relatives.
*Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
*Live a good, honorable life.. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
*Don 't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.
*Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.
*If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
*Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
*The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
*Always drink upstream from the herd.
*Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
*Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
*If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around..
*Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.. Speak kindly.
--
*Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.


AND.....

Enjoy The Ride. There Is No Return Ticket.....

I know that I have posted something similar to this beofre, but I feel it is an appropriate sentiment for the start of a new year.  So here's to all of you in 2010!

 George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50, and your dreams are gone...
But! wait!! ! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50, and make it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that, it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80's, and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3.Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's family name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND, ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,
totally used up and worn out, shouting '...man, what a ride!'

Dirt Roads

I came across this in an email and I LOVED it!  I could see a lot of truth to it.  I never actually lived at the end of a dirt road but I did grow up in a rural community....the kind where everyone knows everyone!  I also grew up listening to Paul Harvey, the author of this story.  Thanks for the great story Paul!

DIRT ROADS

What's mainly wrong with society today is that too many Dirt Roads have been paved.
There's not a problem in America today, crime, drugs, education, divorce, delinquency that wouldn't be remedied, if we just had more Dirt Roads, because Dirt Roads give character.
People that live at the end of Dirt Roads learn early on that life is a bumpy ride.
That it can jar you right down to your teeth sometimes, but it's worth it, if at the end is home...a loving spouse, happy kids and a dog.
We wouldn't have near the trouble with our educational system if our kids got their exercise walking a Dirt Road with other kids, from whom they learn how to get along.
There was less crime in our streets before they were paved.
Criminals didn't walk two dusty miles to rob or rape, if they knew they'd be welcomed by 5 barking dogs and a double barrel shotgun.
And there were no drive by shootings.
Our values were better when our roads were worse!
People did not worship their cars more than their kids, and motorists were more courteous, they didn't tailgate by riding the bumper or the guy in front would choke you with dust & bust your windshield with rocks.
Dirt Roads taught patience.
Dirt Roads were environmentally friendly, you didn't hop in your car for a quart of milk you walked to the barn for your milk.
For your mail, you walked to the mail box.
What if it rained and the Dirt Road got washed out? That was the best part, then you stayed home and had some family time, roasted marshmallows and popped popcorn and pony rode on Daddy's shoulders and learned how to make prettier quilts than anybody.
At the end of Dirt Roads, you soon learned that bad words tasted like soap.
Most paved roads lead to trouble, Dirt Roads more likely lead to a fishing creek or a swimming hole.
At the end of a Dirt Road, the only time we even locked our car was in August, because if we didn't some neighbor would fill it with too much zucchini.
At the end of a Dirt Road, there was always extra springtime income, from when city dudes would get stuck, you'd have to hitch up a team and pull them out.
Usually you got a dollar...always you got a new friend...at the end of a Dirt Road!


~by Paul Harvey~

Mental Feng Shui

ONE. Give people more than they ask for.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who do n't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.

~~A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.~~

A Few Of Life's Lessons...

I received an email a while back that was written by a 90 year old woman named Regina Brett. I scanned it and thought it was cute but never really "read" it. I received it a second time and actually took the time to read it. There are few of them that, no matter how hard you try, you feel you might not be able to accomplish but it can't hurt to at least make the effort! I hope you enjoy this as much as I did! Life is short......LIVE IT!!!!

A Few Of Life's Lessons....

1) Life isn't fair, but it is still good

2) When in doubt just take the next small step

3) Life is too short to waste time hating anyone......(amen!)

4) Your job won't take care of you when you are sick...your friends and family will...STAY IN TOUCH!

5) Pay off your credit cards every month (or at least make double the minimum payment)

6) You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree

7) Cry with someone. It is more healing than crying alone

8) It is OK to get angry with God...he can take it

9) Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck

10) When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile

11) Make peace with your past so it won't screw up your present

12) It's OK to let your children see you cry

13) Don't compare your life with others. You have no idea what their journey is all about

14) Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God doesn't blink

15) Take a deep breath; it calms the mind

16) Get rid of anything that is useful, beautiful or joyful

17) Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger

18) It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else

19) When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer

20) Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion; today is special.

21) Over prepare and then go with the flow

22) Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple (mine is the hair!)

23) The most important sex organ is the brain

24) No one is in charge of your happiness but you

25) Frame every so-called disaster with these words "In 5 years, will this matter?"

26) Always choose life

27) Forgive everyone everything

28) What other people think of you is none of your business

29) Time heals almost everything. Give time time

30) However good or bad a situation is it will change

31) Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does

32) BELIEVE IN MIRACLES

33) God love you because of who God is, not because of anything that you did or did not do

34) Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now

35) Growing old beats the alternative....dying young

36) Your children only get one childhood

37) All that truly matters in the end is that you loved

38) Get outside everyday, miracles are waiting everywhere

39) If we all threw our problems in a pile along with everyone else's, we would grab ours back

40) Envy is a waste of time; you have all you need

41) The best is yet to come

42) No matter how you feel...get up, dress up and show up

43) Yield

44) Life isn't tied with a bow but it is still a gift