No Parent Left Behind.....

As I write this I am NOT saying that I am perfect.....I am far from it.  BUT, how can you not laugh at these??  They were written by parents!  I guess maybe they need a "no parent left behind" law!!!! ;-)
 I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud or throw up.  These are real notes written by parents in the Memphis school district.

 Spellings have been left intact.

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9.Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe the shits.
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday. We thought it was Sunday.
17. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor
23. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Ahhh....Mondays!

To all you parents out there....Are you familiar with the "I HATE MONDAYS" child? My oldest child (yes she happens to be a girl....and quite dramatic, I might add!) is famous in our house for feeling "sick" when it comes to Mondays. No matter how great she felt over the weekend or how great the weather might be on any given Monday, when I try to get her out of bed the first words out of her mouth are, "I don't feel good!" She is an honor roll student so I didn't feel like she was missing out on too much the first few times she missed but after a while I started to feel like I was in that story The Little Boy Who Cried Wolf. (or in this case the little girl) (To be honest with you, I am surprised that she hasn't tried my old bit yet -- "do I have a fever? Why yes you do and your temperature is hotter than the sun! ....No one told me that a fever of 150 might indicate a big problem!..LOL) As a parent you feel for any child that says they don't feel good and you want to make them feel better but there IS a line to be drawn somewhere. I may have to contact the Center For Disease Control and tell them that I have discovered a new illness called "Mondayitis". (I know it's not THAT new....I think we have all suffered from it a time or two!) The symptoms are: grogginess, irritability, pretending that they can't hear you, thinking that if they don't move you will forget about them, fighting with siblings, crying, pleading AND (if they finally get their way) sheer happiness. If they don't get their way.....LOOK OUT! My little darling will start stomping around and crying and mowing down anything in her way. She then starts her tirade of how dumb school is and that she wishes a tornado would hit it or it would flood or "they" would just stop having school! Amazingly enough, though, by the end of summer they have forgotten all about how much they hate school and are actually excited to go back. Lucky for all of us that live in THIS house, school is almost over! I guess when she is older and has to get a job she will realize just how "not bad" school was.....I'm just hoping she will be able to outgrow this "disease" before the start of school next fall! Until next time....